Top Muslim Breakup Lines

Of the multitude of icky ‘life experiences’ to have, enduring a breakup is right up there along with getting stung by a jellyfish and having to put up with twenty floors of elevator music. It goes without saying that people break up for all sorts of reasons, so when I refer to the following reasons as ‘lines’, I don’t mean to imply that they’re not stated with conviction or that they aren’t real issues for people. In fact, many people who says these things will be sincere and have convinced themselves that their reasons are legitimate. But this is what we humans do: ascribe the highest, most noble motives to our actions when may be  far less flattering explanations for our behaviours. The following are just a few choice examples:

1.)  What they say: ‘I prayed Istikhara and had a bad feeling’.

What they mean: ‘I can’t/won’t tell you why I want out, so I’ll play the trump card of divine guidance to shut you up.’

Ah, Istikhara. Is there any better get-out-of-jail card? I think not. The reason this works so well is that it’s almost impossible to argue with. Even if the person it’s used on suspects that there’s more to it, they’re unlikely to try to challenge an alleged ‘sign’ from God, anticipating all kinds of lightning bolts and locust plagues will be unleashed should they do so.

2.) What they say: ‘It’s just not naseeb.’

What they mean: ‘I just can’t be bothered.’

This one is often wielded by those who have no fault with the person except that they’re just not feeling it. It’s often the case that when a random person is set up with another random person, the first meeting or three will be uninspiring. One party will want to pull out because they’re bored and can’t muster the energy to dig any deeper, but to make things less awkward they’ll cloak it in terms so vague you’d need binoculars to see it for what it really is.

3.) What they say: ‘My parents/your parents are making things too difficult.’

What they mean: ‘I can’t deal with conflict, so I’m just going to make my life easier by dumping you.’

I hesitate to include this one because I know that for many people, families on either side can do a great deal to disrupt the course of a relationship and not everyone can cope with the pressure. But for the person on the receiving end of this one, it can often sound like a bit of a cop-out. If it’s their parents who cause them to give up, they end up sounding like a twelve year old. If it’s your parents who ‘drive’ them away, they end up sounding like…well, a twelve and a half year old. Besides, if they had such unwavering respect for their parents, why were they okay with even talking to you if they knew their parents would disapprove? (Answer: because it didn’t involve any conflict.)

4.) What they say: ‘I’m just not ready for marriage.’

What they mean: ‘I’m too preoccupied with myself and you’re getting in the way.’

OR

‘I’m keen to see what else is out there.’

This is another one which is just pointless to try and challenge, despite it having more holes than the plot of a D-grade horror movie. If you state the obvious and ask why they started talking to you in the first place if they weren’t ready, the response will be something like ‘well, I thought I was ready, but maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.’ If you ask when they’ll be ready, they’ll say they don’t know, but then you’ll see them in six months and they’ll be married to someone else.

5.) What they say: ‘I’m actually a unicorn.’

What they mean: ‘I’m actually a unicorn.’

Quick, don’t let them get away! Unicorns are rare and precious and should be kept for life.

Unicorn Baby

Have you used one of these? Have you had someone use one on you? Do you think they’re valid reasons or are they weak excuses?

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29 responses to “Top Muslim Breakup Lines

  1. I think in order for me it was on the receiving side of 3, then 2, and then 1, followed by 4 after a 2 year conviction of hey you’re the best decision yet, let’s plan this out. Signs of a massively confused person with evolving reasons and no spine :/

    Im a unicorn 🙂

  2. I love the unicorn one! I really should try to use that…oops, sorry, am married already! 😀

  3. I’m guilty of 3 & 4 but I think they’re both valid reasons 😉

    • Of course, as I said these ‘lines’ often reflect real grievances when viewed contextually. But it doesn’t mean they can’t be hilariously shoddy too!

  4. Number 4,
    realized he was a big shot
    thanks for this, i knew the moment he said it and left but hard to walk away completely…
    iA there’s better yet to come!

    • Of course there’s better to come, inshaAllah 🙂 as hard as it is, be certain of that. Allah swt will not take anything from you except that better will come x

  5. Thought Muslim dating was haram?

    • Salam, I never said anything above endorsing ‘dating’. Besides, I’ve always been very clear about the purpose of this site: to discuss social norms and make observations, not to give religious rulings (which I’m not qualified to do in any case). Thanks for stopping by in any case!

  6. Well I wanted to use one of these, because I was incompatible with a sister for marriage, so I used the number 4. But I really wasn’t ready for her, but for someone else 🙂
    Just to tell my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, it’s great that you have used one of these exepct the unicorn one because love can make you blind.
    Inshae Allah we’ll get better in the future!

    • InshaAllah 🙂 good to know you enjoyed it bro!

    • That’s a cop-out so you wouldn’t have to deal with any fallout. Should’ve just told her you weren’t compatible. Hurting feelings is generally not as bad as lying. Or maybe I’m too honest.

      • I think it’s quite apparent usually when people use excuses to cover something up. I’m not sure if brutal honesty is always better, though I’d probably favour that too.

  7. Great article, it gives a refreshing perspective to the singletons out there yet to venture in these avenues. They can now read between the lines in those life changing conversations but more importantly learn to be truthful so as not to end up in this list or any extension of it.

    JazakAllah Khayr

    Br. Aser. R M

  8. Reblogged this on tabbykazmi and commented:
    I’m actually a unicorn!

    Best breakup line ever

  9. First 4 have been used on me on different occasions, over the years. The latest was a combination of 1, 2 & 3. Rejection always hurts! Especially when it is not the expected outcome from the relationship! I wonder; do people who knowing get ugly with the person they are parting ways with, do they ever find peace with anyone else? Does Allah not make them go through the same pain they made another person go through, especially when they have not been 100 % honest about their true intentions?

    • Of course, rejection is very painful. I really pray that inshaAllah you find someone who rises above these things and is right for you. I think that people will take different things from these experiences. You’d hope that they would learn to be honest with themselves and others, but that’s not always the case.

  10. The real reason behind these excuses are simply, “I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU”.

    Sorry about the caps. But let’s be honest, at the end of the day the person has made a conscious decision that they don’t want to be with you. Which probably means they weren’t (that much) into you in the first place. Intentionally or unintentionally leaving the other person hurt/feeling lied to. Although in reality there are no guarantees when comes to relationships (even the ones based on the most halal of ways) and people fall out of love as easily as they fall into love.

    I know its naseeb/fate/divine determination (well duh everything is) and but it bothers me when people say it’s naseeb or not naseeb when they want out of a relationship (#2), come on…what a cop out! At least be honest. I would prefer you told me that we are not compatible then use naseeb. Because how can you argue with that?? Of course it’s fate, me eating cereal for breakfast instead of toast because I had no bread is fate. Everything is fate!

    • No need to apologise for the caps, I actually agree with you completely. Time and time again you see couples ‘triumph against the odds’, while others collapse against the slightest breeze. The differing factor is that the one couple simply want it to work and will do what it takes. The moment one person gives up is when it stops being naseeb. Obviously, in hindsight people will say ‘oh, that was never my naseeb’, but that’s because either they or the other person chose not to see it through.

  11. I like the modern application to age long traditional cop outs!
    This is not working- not kufu
    Not meant to be-not in our naseeb
    Spread too thin-my haq not fulfilled
    Too busy- speak the haq
    Too much drama-looking for zauj material

    See my book on Amazon Intimacy and the Sacred

    Thanks

  12. I completely agree with you Zeynab!!! “The moment one person gives up is when it stops being naseeb. Obviously, in hindsight people will say ‘oh, that was never my naseeb’, but that’s because either they or the other person chose not to see it through.”

    I can write a book on what transpired in the last 10 months of my life. How I was made to believe that I was genuinely loved, desired, needed and required. How I was fooled, emotionally abused, lied to and eventually deserted for the one chosen by, and approved of, by the family, in less than a month! The last lines written to me said that he believed that it was not in our naseeb to be together. He broke my heart by giving up on us without even trying sincerely for us to get together.

    • Oh that’s terrible 😦 may Allah swt grant you ease dear. While you may never really understand why this happened the way it did, the best thing to do is to accept that Allah swt has His reasons and that they are for our ultimate benefit. He will give you better inshaAllah x

  13. InshaAllah! Hope is what is keeping me going! Hope of a better life, in the days to come!

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